Weird, Weirder, Weirdest

For some strange reason that I can't even make sense of, I decided at last minute to wrap up this month with a post. This month for me was far from being perfect and was really a lazy one. And I'm not just talking about the blog alone but all round - work, academics, relationships, every. 

For some inexplicable reason, I've been pretty much low key with few bursts of adrenaline in between which afterwards led to burn out. I'm even surprised that I have the energy to put up this post. No, I'm not overworked and no, I'm not tired. I just feel...ennui. Yeah, I think that's it.

In between the few spells of energy bursts, I've been stuffing myself with food. Yeah, this March was really pretty weird for me. I was demotivated and a little bit down I must confess. Probably 'cos I felt kinda alienated and who's responsible for said alienation? My humble self. Well, if there's anything I've learnt about so far in all of these' that:

1. Always go with the flow. In the end, I'll feel better for it. If I'm down, it's OK, be down. If I want to be alone, it's OK, be alone. If I stuff my face with food, please don't go beating yourself up about it, just go with the flow 'cos I know that these too shall pass and when it does pass, things get better. Which brings me to...
2. I usually come back revitalised and ready to take on the world after these spells. It's as if I have to pass through the valley so as to better appreciate the view from the mountain top.
3. One's friends (if they're really yours) will always be there waiting for you. They won't make you feel bad or guilty for feeling the way you do and acting it out. No they won't. Highest, they'd give you the space you desire and then watch for the signs that says "no danger here, safe to approach". That sounds messed up, I know but it's the truth. True friends wont leave you hanging or pressure you into acting some typa way. They just let you be. If you want to be.

That's not all, but I feel drowsy and so that'll be all. Thanks for reading, bonne nuit.

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so, that was a 2017 post that I'd forgotten somewhere in the archives. Compared to then and now...hold on, lemme see what's different...A lot!😉

Bye darlings...

On being a wall flower

I'd start by saying, as a wall flower your default answer should be no. At all times (I'll expatiate on that in another post). Today's for the wall flowers in the hizzouse (a show of hands please✌)😂

So here goes:

1. At all times, turn down offers to attend social functions. Yep, end of post. That's what being a wall flowers's all about, saying no. Lol, ok not the end.
2. If perchance you were tricked or coerced or for whatever reason you decide to go, arrive early, you don't want anyone to see you arriving do you? If you find yourself running late, try to slip in quietly and unobtrusively. Let it be that you just did appear out of thin air. 
3. Dress to blend
4. Find your spot; a vantage point where you can see all and not be seen
5. Befriend the couch and do not for any reason disengage from it.
6. Note all exit points in case of emergencies like needing a breath of fresh air or escaping loudmouths or/and for quick and easy getaway. You'll thank me later 😉

So that's that, got any more to add? But why would you want to be a wall flower anyways? Being a wall flower's not for the faint of heart just so you know😋

Disclaimer: This is a tongue in cheek post by the way.

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Nah, I lied but personally, I enjoy being a wall flower. Infact,  it's one of my hobbies. I own it. Cheers, gotta run.... 

Peace. 

I love that photo, it's from my phone's wallpaper collection. 

Feelers

For some reason, when I come across certain things - reading, hearing, seeing - fiam, my mind goes off on a tangent. The other day, it was a song I was listening to and then today, it was an article I was reading which birthed this post.

What are feelings? How do we make sense of them? Why are some persons more feely feely (sensitive) than others?

Well, I have no answers, sorry to say. But for myself, I know that once upon a time, I repressed my feelings. Apparently, it was cool to do so then or it was a taboo? Can't exactly remember hehe. But, letting myself to feel was tantamount to being vulnerable and I hated being vulnerable. Still hate it except in the right context I suppose.

So what changed? Well, it didn't just happen overnight. I don't think I even noticed the paradigm shift but I recently realised that I no longer run away from my feelings rather, I embrace them wholeheartedly; give them a warm reception and send them on their way. I've come to realise that it's the lil' girl that's trying to say something. You want love? I'll give you that. You're sad? Aww darling, it's ok. You're angry? Why? Ok, you dunno why? Oya, vent it, but whatever you do, don't repress it. You feel frustrated hun? It's ok, take your time examine all the reasons why you feel that way.

I didn't actively engage my emotions once upon a time; anger especially. Then I thought it wrong to be angry and avoided it at all cost. That led me to become the passive aggressive type (probably still am, but at least now I know and so I'm conquering it). Anger was bad energy, still is. So is jealousy and a whole lot of other bad juju.

I guess what I needed to understand was that God gave us feelings (emotions) for a reason, they shouldn't be denied. It's not a crime to feel the things that one does feel but acknowledging these feelings make them all the more easy to understand and to develop subsequent plans of action in handling them.

I got angry with a friend recently (for the record, I'm not easily angered) and reacted. She went on and on about how disappointed she was in me and my reaction (I'd walked away and didn't answer her when she called out to me). This happened after church BTW. Ok, admittedly, it was a little incident that tripped me off but that little incident was based on a series of other little events that had happened over a period of time and I decided not to let the recent one slide. So, the sermon got to a point where I had to ask her, "I don vex for you before?" She couldn't answer. Perhaps that's why she was disappointed. Maybe she thought I was anger proof lol. She never acknowledged what she did BTW but that ain't the point. The point is, it's ok to feel the way you feel but be careful of your actions during that period lest you go overboard and make the wrong choices. That's why people advise other people to not make decisions in the heat of the moment - whatever the moment might be (anger, lust, infatuation, frustration, fatigue, despair etc).

Over the years, I've managed to create various ways I tackle emotional overwhelm. It could be withdrawal, writing also does it for me - shout out to my journals. They've been with me through thick 'n' thin lol. Generally, writing helps clear my mind and put things in perspective so do walks. I take long walks - they almost always help me make sense of stuff. I talk to my friends - that's the one I'm still working on. Talking to people doesn't come easy for me but after I've done that, I wonder why I waited that long to do it, hehe. And then, this' the easy one; I cry. Yep, I'm a big cry baby, 🙈😶. Tears are cathartic (that was once my Facebook post). It's like a cleansing, literally purging out all them toxins out. And when I'm done, it's like a rainbow after a torrential downpour. Yeah, that's the feeling I get after a good cry. 

Last but not least, I pray and meditate on God's word. I remind myself of what God says concerning whatever's the cause of those feelings in the first place and hand over everything to him. I can't shout. I'm only human after all and all these overall has kept me sane and grounded.

All in all, I'm allowed to feel all the feels I want to feel (that includes wanting to be alone, wanting to not pick calls amongst other things, free me. Going forward, I refuse to allow anyone guilt trip me on these). So, welcome, emotions, welcome. Come one, come all! None will be turned away; none will be dwelt upon.

Peace.

Photo Credit: Indiatoday

Easter Sunday Special: A Man of Sorrows

Easter for me is the whole essence of Christianity - resurrection day. If Christ had not risen, what message would we be preaching today? What hope would we have as believers? No resurrection, no Christianity. I want to imagine an alternate reality where the resurrection didn't take place. Peter would've probably gone on to become head of the fishermen council and we'd never have heard of him again, end of story. John, the beloved would've probably been so overtaken by grief that he pined away into obscurity and we'd not have had the Revelations. As for the rest, well, everyone would've have taken heed to the cry, "to your tents oh Israel"* and dispersed, never to be heard of again. And as for me? Well, I'd probably not be here by now, having listened to the lies of the enemy and gone down the way of Judas. 

So you see, Easter's not just a mere celebration for me. I'm celebrating the new life God gave me through his Son Jesus. I'm celebrating the fact that death's been conquered in victory forever. I'm celebrating the fact that by the resurrection, I've been given a new lease on life. I'm celebrating a whole lot of things, what are you celebrating?

During the church service this morning, I could barely keep from crying. The choir ministered two songs that took up entire new meanings for me; Cece Winans' 'It Wasn't Easy' and Nicole Mullen's 'My Redeemer Lives'. These words stuck out; "Don't think for a moment that I never felt the pain..don't take it lightly what I've done...it wasn't easy, but it was worth it."

Check out those two songs (lyrics) on the net in case you're not familiar with them. One last word, know Jesus for yourself. If you don't know him, you haven't started living (truly). He's the best thing that can ever happen to anyone (word).

A man of sorrows is what Isaiah used to describe him. He became nothing to make us everything. It's recorded in scriptures that he grew up just like us (imagine your growing up years). Yep, he was also brought up that way. There was nothing special about him. He didn't have the majestic presence of a king nor the mighty carriage of a warrior neither was he finely clothed. He was just like us; a mere man, a carpenter. He probably would've been referred to as a peasant were it to have been the Elizabethan era, yet there was no doubt as to who he was. All of Earth's creation testifies of Him. The only Man to have tasted death and live. The only Man that holds the keys to death and the grave.*

I could go on and on trust me, but I wanted this to be a short post for your edification and mine as well and so I ask, do you know this Man, the Son of Man?

Happy resurrection day...

And may it find expression in our lives...

Amen.

Peace.

*1kings 12 :16

*Revelation 1:18

Photo Credit: YouVersion - The Bible App

A Personal Word

This morning, something happened that made me laugh and at the same time, shake head for myself and at the same time, gave me great insight. It had to do with condiments that remained from my cooking stew session–pepper and onions. I had left them in a plate in the open air so they don't spoil easily. 

You might ask, your fridge nko? Well, I asked myself that question too. Until last two weeks, I didn't have one so it was easy to forget that I now had a preservation system and took my normal route of preservation. The night before, I had already started contemplating whether or not to steam them since they were not going to be put to use anytime soon.

So, where's this my 'is and was' speech leading to? Well, when this happened what dropped in my mind was that as believers, this is is what we do too. When we enter into God's kingdom, we've been completely saved and the old things have passed, but we forget that. We forget that we've come into power and authority and carry on living like we used to.

We forget that the kingdom life’s entirely different from the self life. We keep struggling and forget to rely on His strength. We keep doing things the usual way forgetting that Christ's made things easier for us. Labouring under the law and forgetting that we're now operating in grace.

So, that was what popped into my mind seeing those pepper and onion lying there shrivelling while all the while, they could have been chilling in the fridge, perfectly been preserved.

May the good Lord help us.

Peace.