The Burden of Grief

It creeps up on you unexpectedly 

Bringing with it, dead weight

With no time frame of its departure

And so you wait

You wait for the pain that'll soon hit

A pain so deep you feel you can't breath

A pain that feels like drowning

Gasping for air that isn't forthcoming 

Then you wait some more

For the reprieve, however brief that comes afterwards 

You wait for the guilt to hit

Yes guilt because the had I knowns become what ifs

For the wishes however vain, of doing it all over again

And then you wait, again

For the pain to subside

For the tears to stop flowing

For the ache to end

It's a waiting game

One that never ends

Cos this game, you'll play it over and over

In different ways

Different climes and times

Different scenarios 

A never ending cycle

All you can do is wait

For it to run its course

Weird, Weirder, Weirdest

For some strange reason that I can't even make sense of, I decided at last minute to wrap up this month with a post. This month for me was far from being perfect and was really a lazy one. And I'm not just talking about the blog alone but all round - work, academics, relationships, every. 

For some inexplicable reason, I've been pretty much low key with few bursts of adrenaline in between which afterwards led to burn out. I'm even surprised that I have the energy to put up this post. No, I'm not overworked and no, I'm not tired. I just feel...ennui. Yeah, I think that's it.

In between the few spells of energy bursts, I've been stuffing myself with food. Yeah, this March was really pretty weird for me. I was demotivated and a little bit down I must confess. Probably 'cos I felt kinda alienated and who's responsible for said alienation? My humble self. Well, if there's anything I've learnt about so far in all of these' that:

1. Always go with the flow. In the end, I'll feel better for it. If I'm down, it's OK, be down. If I want to be alone, it's OK, be alone. If I stuff my face with food, please don't go beating yourself up about it, just go with the flow 'cos I know that these too shall pass and when it does pass, things get better. Which brings me to...
2. I usually come back revitalised and ready to take on the world after these spells. It's as if I have to pass through the valley so as to better appreciate the view from the mountain top.
3. One's friends (if they're really yours) will always be there waiting for you. They won't make you feel bad or guilty for feeling the way you do and acting it out. No they won't. Highest, they'd give you the space you desire and then watch for the signs that says "no danger here, safe to approach". That sounds messed up, I know but it's the truth. True friends wont leave you hanging or pressure you into acting some typa way. They just let you be. If you want to be.

That's not all, but I feel drowsy and so that'll be all. Thanks for reading, bonne nuit.

***

so, that was a 2017 post that I'd forgotten somewhere in the archives. Compared to then and now...hold on, lemme see what's different...A lot!😉

Bye darlings...

Frank Friday: Being human

Back when I used to hear spending time with nature, I'd always picture myself neckdeep in shrubbery in some jungle or some other wild place. After all, nature equals wild yeah? Lol

I've never considered myself an outdoorsy person but then I still enjoyed the little things like watching the day break, or how the clouds move. 

I used to stay up late just because I wanted to hear and feel the night after all the hum drums the humans must have made. You know, we make so much noise. I sometimes wonder if all the noise is heard in space and how. Does it sound like a mighty drone of bees? Or like the dound of crashing waves? Only this time, the noise is magnified thousands of times over. I'm not a scientist so I can't tell the correct value of the magnification, not that you mind do you? 

So, not until I moved into a house with a balcony view did I realise what I'd been missing. I've always wanted to live in one and it happened, onto the next wish. The minutes I spend there drinking in all the sights that take place above and below me is something I can't describe. Just know that God is truly great. 

I could spend hours just gazing up at the sky, it's just that that we humans have something other living beings don't. It's called a job. Hence, one can't possibly do enough of the above. It'd be termed, “wasting time.” Well, thank God for “small” mercies, for those pockets of time that one can freely indulge.

Peace...

Red light, Yellow light, Green light

So, I've had Simi's "Joromi" on repeat for a while now and this post is its result. Guys would say that they don't make a move cos they don't see any greenlight. And in my head I'm like, seriously? The funny part is, when that light's shone, they don't or can't even recognize it, which begs the question, why don't guys see the green light flashing? Or are the ladies flashing a teal light mistaking it for green? Lol. But, what are the actions and/or inactions that construe this green light sef?

So, who can relate with missing the lights and signs and/or misconstruing them?

Sigh, who can understand the ways of a man with a woman?* Just random thoughts. Last day at the office for me and I'm pretty much pumped. Bye work, hello holiday...

Peace.

*Proverbs 30:18
Photo credit: google images

Old Souls

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? ~ Satchel Paige

There are days I feel so old, like today. 27 going on 100, hehe. Have you ever been called an old soul? Not to worry, it's not a bad thing. It only means that you've "lived" and "experienced" stuff that others way ahead of you (generations) did experience and you want to know the fun part? You weren't even physically present, you didn't get to live in that age and time. How cool is that?

Though when people say it, it's intended as an insult, major fail. Been an old soul's not really about dowdy dressing or acting all serious, nah. It simply means you view life differently and are not easily impressed by all the dazzle and flash around you, because why?  You've seen and done them all remember? Nothing new under the sun.

I recognize a lot of old souls amidst my friends, they're just the best to be with. So old soul, go forth and do you. Leave all these new souls to their shenanigans lol. Please don't mind me, I'm bored. My office closes for the year 2017 tomorrow, so I've got little if not nothing doing. Have a great week. I smell Christmas *in a sing song voice*. Byeee

Peace.