Monday Moaners Club (MMC): Rhetorics

"Workers welcome Mondays, false. Abi it is Monday who welcomes workers. Workers despise Mondays, fact." That was Ochuko's rather confusing welcome back to work opening remarks as he propped his feet on an empty chair and leaned back with his hands behind his head.

Whenever Ochuko adopted that pose, you knew what was coming; a lecture on one of his many convoluted essays and this time, it was about his favourite topic, Monday vs. The Worker with Monday being his least favourite of days. He was going to share some deep seated secrets which we frail humans alas knew nothing of.

This time was different however, I was ready for Ochuko for I had come with a weapon - a secret weapon - to shut him up once and for all.

"What is it about Mondays that make me want to pull my hair out?" He asks. The question itself aimed at no one in particular. Bimpe nudges me with her foot (the office gossip), I pretend not to notice. I was in no mood for mindless chit-chat.

"Again I ask, why's Monday so cruel? I work like an Elephant yet eat like an Ant, why?"

Poor guy, he must have really had it rough over the weekend. Word in the grapevine had it that his ex wife was out to milk him dry but what had that got anything to do with Monday I wondered.

I seemed to be the only one disturbed. I look around the office to note who was there and who wasn't; Ainkai 'rabbit', Bole the 'boulder', myself and Bimpe. Where was Sempei (gossip no.2)? Aww, she would hate to miss out on this. No wonder Bimpe wanted recruiting me, the snitch. They all seemed not to notice Ochuko so it was up to me to hush him up; good thing I had come prepared abi?

"Erm Ochuko," I begin, "if you've got something to say, say it and stop disturbing our ears. Is it Monday you're mad at or your wife, which?"

Too late, I immediately sense the temperature drop in the room. The words were already out there, I couldn't take them back. Anyone who knew Ochuko knew how he felt about his ex wife. It was an open secret, you knew but pretended not to know, that is, until today. I sight rabbit shake her head, wrong move it seemed to say. Well, there was no going back, let the anger games begin I sing song in my head as I brace up.

Ochuko eyes the young lady seated opposite him warily like a Lion eyes a porcupine; to pounce or not to pounce. He couldn't afford another scenario like that of last week, he doubted management would be lenient with him this time around. If only you knew my story lady, he thinks, you'd judge me less harshly. His Mondays had always been ill favoured, cursed if you like. He knew this and saw it as his cross to bear, his alone.

Ztembe: That was below the belt I know but it worked didn't it?

                                                            **********

Hi people, that's a taste of what I'm dubbing Monday Moaners Club (MMC). It'll be a series of short - really short - stories loosely based on the grief all some of us seem to feel whenever Monday rolls round armed with tons of work, lol, no one's left out in its books.  I've seen, heard and picked up a lot about this fella (Monday), he sure has a lot of 'frenemies'. I usually shy away from writing prose but for the sake of some persons, I'll try. Let's call this an experimental project shall we?😁

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Tale of an Ant: The Bodstacle

Once a heavy body twice removed laid down to slumber and slept deeply. Too deeply Antu thought as he watched from a safe distance, peeping intermittently from a watcher's hole he had setup when he noticed the body lay directly across his path.

What to do, what to do he thought and then he decided. Sleep on body, for it is night when all men must sleep to rise at first dawn. Some take the deep sleep never to awake, you shall awake but in pain. At least, that’s what I think he thought because you see, I was another watcher involved in the watcher’s games. Only I was aware of my presence and watched both watcher (Antu) and watchee (sleeping bod).

The long night passed on slowly, too slow for Antu as his frequent peeps became more hurried and less discreet. He watched with growing dismay as the night skyline lightened, gold tinged by the sun’s first rays yet, there was not a movement of the muscles from the prone body. It lay there, seemingly dead to the world. “But it is dawn,” cried Antu. He always did wake up with the sun and expected the body to do likewise. The more darkness gave way, the more Antu despaired for he had really believed that all bodies arose with dawn’s first light as his grandmother had once told him. In her tales, all bodies rose with the sun.

At this point, I feel I should describe Antu. A young ant in his first stages, no different from his peers but he was much smaller. According to his grandma, he was nearly eaten by a grasshopper as a baby and fell in the struggle that ensued. As stories go however, he didn’t believe one bit of it as he saw himself as special and favored (touched if you like). This would be his first time stepping out of the Chantill, a large mound of a mansion and all at the dare of the young ‘uns.

He is lightly marked unlike the darker markings of his order, this he attributes to the ‘touch’. His head’s slightly disproportionate to his body giving him a strange look which only endeared him to the Antlies- Fantu in particular.

Ah…Fantu. Thinking of her made his fluids to juice. What would he do without her? For it was because of her he had maintained this vigil. Usually in such cases, he would have long passed over and continued his search and where there seemed to be no way, he created one for himself or if need be, put his stingers to use but not this time. He wanted, no, needed to see that bod rise of its own accord. And so he patiently or impatiently as the case may be, waited. Only when it was fully bright did he decide that he had waited long enough and so it was with fire in his fluids and a cry in his heart that he rushed towards the bodstacle and stung.

It all happened too quickly but in all these, the watcher of both had drawn his conclusions.

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A Day at The Police Station

"How did you find yourself here Linda?" I asked myself. There was no inkling whatsoever that the day would turn out the way it did. I had just finished screaming TGIF when it happened, my phone was missing. I searched around and asked questions hoping someone was trying to prank me (as usual). After series of negative responses, I had to face it, my phone was missing. This led me to pull a Sherlock Holmes, retrace my last activities. When last did I use it and where did I place it afterwards?

One reenactment after another, I realized it didn't even make it to the office with me. Where did I miss it? That was when it dawned on me that not only was my phone missing but my purse as well and it's entire contents because you see, I had taken a selfie just outside my house and had hurriedly pursed it and the said purse shoved into an already bulging bag filled with odds and ends.

With so many important items in that purse, I didn't hesitate to report it at the nearest police station and that was how I found myself in a Police Station, whew.

I got you right?😂

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A New Dawn

It's a new year, yayyyy. I'm so sure we're all pretty hyped about it, but fear not, I'm not gonna start with the new year, new me thingy, lol but I'm sorely tempted to because you see, everything's pretty new including this blog and it means so much that this is finally happening after so long a time. I mean, a new year + a new blog equals what? You tell me.

It's been a wonderful 2015 and 2016 will only get better. God's been faithful. Were man to be God, I doubt half of us would've made it into the new year but God is God and will always be God and I'm trusting He will yet do great things.
Here's to new beginnings,
A new year,
And a new blog.
Happy new year people, welcome.

Photo Credit: Google