"When peace like a river
Attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows..."
Ana belts out the beautifully worded song while carefully digging out the weeds that threatened to choke her plants. She stops to wipe her face and picks up with her singing.
"...Whatever my lot
Thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul."
This is followed by a heavy sigh. The years have not been kind to her one could see. Her once lovely face carried lines of care that told their own stories. It has been two years since we last saw her and like the proverbial water that's passed under a bridge, a lot had happened.
"For me be it Christ
Be it Christ hence to live..."
The last line's broken by a sob, she seems visibly weighed down by whatever it is troubling her. She's jerked out of her thoughts when a voice calls out.
"Ana, Ana." The voice calls.
She quickly rises and makes a move to wipe her face while hurrying to answer the call. The whole environment has an abandoned feel to it. Like something that once was but was no more.
Quickly wearing a smile, as she enters a small wooden shed, she comments, "I see someone's up." she makes to kiss Geoff.
"I didn't want to disturb you but I needed to make use of the toilet." A pause, then "what's wrong?"
Putting on another face, a quizzical one this time "How do you mean?" Ana responds.
A warning bell goes off in Geoff's head. His wife was not given to answering questions with questions. Ana only ever answered a question with another question when she was trying to evade the question or giving the real answer or...another bell goes off.
"You don't look like yourself," he manages to say giving her a tight smile.
"I'm alright darling. Really." She adds seeing as he's set to fire another question. "So, let's get you moving."
With an ease that shows they've been through this routine plenty of times, she scoops him out from the bed and into the wheelchair placed conspicuously beside the bed.
9pm
Geoff's finally managed to sleep. I worry for him. A lot happened after the last meeting Geoff had with the elders and It brought with it a lot of change both good and bad.
It's been two years Lord; two years since our life was turned upside down. Two years of pain and hardship. Two years of tears and fears. Lord, two years.
When you asked me to trust you I had no idea what you had in mind but I do know that you're good always. I do know that you're going through this with us. I feel consoled when I imagine you going hungry too, it brings a smile to my face like now. Yes, you do certainly know how it feels to be homeless and hungry almost always.
I wonder if things would've turned out differently had I taken Numi's dream seriously? What if I had told Geoff and not kept it to myself? What if I had probed Numi deeper? What if-
*sigh* enough with the 'ifs' Ana dear, it's happened. A lot has indeed happened and my dream of starting a family seems more farther away than ever. Why won't Geoff talk about it? I mean, I can't be the only one aching to hold my child in my arms am I?
Oh, how I wish-
Wishes won't help now, I shouldn't feel this way about Geoff considering all he's had to go through. Father forgive me, I feel so petty and selfish sometimes.
It's a good thing no one knows of this journal. I bet they'd pass out should they ever come to know how weak I really am, how poorly equipped I am to be their teacher.
*sigh*
Your strength's made perfect in my weakness Lord, take charge.
