Lost Hearts

The heart of man, hmm, who can fathom it? Thankfully, I've handed over such matters of mystery to my Abba because, I really can't deal or begin to decipher what goes on in there and thankfully, yet again, I'm in good hands. The hands of He who knows our intents and all that goes on within, I rest my matters with Him. I refuse to begin to analyse and psychoanalyse His creatures' doings and/or undoings, it'd drive me nuts. 

One thing I know for certain is that, how I see you, I take you. I cannot begin to do the work of the Holy Spirit whose sole purpose is to convict man's spirit and bring about a transformation, a change. No, I'm not He, so I leave myself at the mercies of God, who is not man. This is my story. 

Well, a happy new year to you.🥳

This write-up brought a Kirk Franklin's song with a similar title to mind. An old, old friend, that song.

SOTD: Lost hearts by Kirk Franklin

The Burden of Grief

It creeps up on you unexpectedly 

Bringing with it, dead weight

With no time frame of its departure

And so you wait

You wait for the pain that'll soon hit

A pain so deep you feel you can't breath

A pain that feels like drowning

Gasping for air that isn't forthcoming 

Then you wait some more

For the reprieve, however brief that comes afterwards 

You wait for the guilt to hit

Yes guilt because the had I knowns become what ifs

For the wishes however vain, of doing it all over again

And then you wait, again

For the pain to subside

For the tears to stop flowing

For the ache to end

It's a waiting game

One that never ends

Cos this game, you'll play it over and over

In different ways

Different climes and times

Different scenarios 

A never ending cycle

All you can do is wait

For it to run its course

Diary of a new Lagos Wife💍: Travails of a Lagos Driver

Yoohoo, Lagos wife here.

 

Welcome to Lagos😊

Dear diary,

It's been four months, three weeks and two days since this post was promised, and finally, it materialises. I've been quite hesitant about writing on this particular topic because I don't want to be in danger of generalising. I'd rather err on the side of caution but having the same experience again and again, I'm convinced it's a way of life and so, I write.

The average Lagos driver is selfish. Selfish and uncouth (think danfo bus drivers). It doesn't help that they have the support of their passengers. Most Lagosians will support wrong behavior. Why, because it serves their selfish interest. Yes, you'll be late to whatever appointment it is that you have and you're trying to beat traffic, but bro, do it the right way na, and not by creating an extra lane that'll lead to even more chaos. 

Oh, my lane's completely blocked with traffic, ok, lemme face incoming vehicles in the next lane even though it's wrong and push the rightful users off. And then, everywhere turns into a madhouse, with one neither moving forward nor back.  🤦🏻It's not you people I sha blame, it's the shortcut culture that has pervaded everywhere which paints doing the right thing as being dull and slow, that I blame.

“Guy no de dull yourself” is the common slang. 

Le hubs says driving in  Lagos is a test of faith. Oh boy, is he right. Infact, so is walking. As a pedestrian, walking on your supposedly safe pedestrian lane, you ain't safe. I'm sorry.

Anyways, with all that goes on in the city, the average Lagosian will still claim to love the lifestyle. Seriously? A favourite pastime of theirs is to discuss their travails in the city albeit, in a self satisfied accomplished way. Like, wow, after all of the stress and wahala, look at us, we're still here, still hustling (that term could mean a whole lotta things, please don't ask me. It seems to be the official  lingua franca around here, to hustle). You know, we're suffering but still smiling. Sigh, what a mentality. 

I sometimes think I'm becoming a Lagosian sef. Emphasis on “I think” o cos I don't see that happening at all. For instance, after whining about how driving in Lagos makes one so tired and grossed out (which it does), I'll go on to give a self satisfying statement about how accomplished I am to have survived the mad jungle out there. Then I'll wrap it up by saying, “I mean, if I can drive in this Lagos, I can drive anywhere else”. Right? 😁 That statement ain't true, we know that right? That you term an act/behaviour as "excelling" or “smartness” here might not mean same thing in another clime. I daresay it won't. What works here wouldn't in a saner clime abeg. 

So, with driving being what it is in Lagos,  it's made its grand entry into my list of (what I term) extreme sports activities. Not for the faint of heart. Many times, I'm almost dissuaded from taking to the wheels when I think of the trials ahead; the treacherous nature of the roads and the dare devilry of its users.

The other day, I commented to hubby about how HBP prone patients should not be driving in Lagos but to hire drivers or something, because driving on these roads would give them an attack. Which brings to mind a facebook post I once made about making liberal use of my car horn when I finally start to drive but guess what? The danfo drivers🚌and other road users beat me to it. It would seem we were all thinking same thing. 

But I'll hold my peace because I'm yet to have the soul shaking kind of horn that I desire. You know, the type you hear, and your soul takes flight? Yes, that type. They should just wait first. I'll out horn these danfo drivers and others who think they know how to play music with theirs. I'll show them how it's done. Welcome to the fray.

Bye diary,
Cheers. 

Weird, Weirder, Weirdest

For some strange reason that I can't even make sense of, I decided at last minute to wrap up this month with a post. This month for me was far from being perfect and was really a lazy one. And I'm not just talking about the blog alone but all round - work, academics, relationships, every. 

For some inexplicable reason, I've been pretty much low key with few bursts of adrenaline in between which afterwards led to burn out. I'm even surprised that I have the energy to put up this post. No, I'm not overworked and no, I'm not tired. I just feel...ennui. Yeah, I think that's it.

In between the few spells of energy bursts, I've been stuffing myself with food. Yeah, this March was really pretty weird for me. I was demotivated and a little bit down I must confess. Probably 'cos I felt kinda alienated and who's responsible for said alienation? My humble self. Well, if there's anything I've learnt about so far in all of these' that:

1. Always go with the flow. In the end, I'll feel better for it. If I'm down, it's OK, be down. If I want to be alone, it's OK, be alone. If I stuff my face with food, please don't go beating yourself up about it, just go with the flow 'cos I know that these too shall pass and when it does pass, things get better. Which brings me to...
2. I usually come back revitalised and ready to take on the world after these spells. It's as if I have to pass through the valley so as to better appreciate the view from the mountain top.
3. One's friends (if they're really yours) will always be there waiting for you. They won't make you feel bad or guilty for feeling the way you do and acting it out. No they won't. Highest, they'd give you the space you desire and then watch for the signs that says "no danger here, safe to approach". That sounds messed up, I know but it's the truth. True friends wont leave you hanging or pressure you into acting some typa way. They just let you be. If you want to be.

That's not all, but I feel drowsy and so that'll be all. Thanks for reading, bonne nuit.

***

so, that was a 2017 post that I'd forgotten somewhere in the archives. Compared to then and now...hold on, lemme see what's different...A lot!😉

Bye darlings...

Diary of a new Lagos Wife💍: The Market Woman

Aloha diary, 

I realise I didn't talk about my very first time in an international market, aww.  I'd wanted to but forgot? I guess. Anyways, I recall how my head wouldn't stop swivelling upon stepping feet in one, lol.

There was so much to see. And buy. And then see again. So much. My eyes couldn't take it all in at once. I nearly became dizzy. I'd gone with my sissy for some wedding shopping at the highly heard of Balogun market. 

One of the things I've come to learn so far's that, there are different markets for different commodities in Lagos. The other day, MIL took me to the market, another international market.  This time, for electronics, that'd be the Alaba international market (I keep forgetting the correct pronunciation of that “Alaba”). As in holding hands kinda taking o, lol. We'd get to a crossing, mum grabs my hand. To a rowdy place, another hand grabbing, I was just feeling amused. I'm still very much finding my footing on this soil though (it's probably not helping that I barely step out) and at the same time struggling to acclimatize to the rowdiness (the city's comprised of stuff that do not make me like a city; noise and crowd) and the same time, trying to find my balance as a newly wed.

Whew, they make it look easy. The others. Don't ask me who the others are, they're just that. On both occasions though, I'd come back feeling like this:

Lol, who wouldn't have? So much for going to the market. Until next time diary,

Cheerio

Diary of a new Lagos Wife💍: The year of Firsts

Dear diary,

A merry Christmas to you. How was it? Mine was spectacular.

Yeah, spectacularly spectacular. Experienced Christmas in Lagos for the first time and it was...hmm, dunno yet. 

This year's Christmas also happens to be my first Christmas as a “Mrs” (there seems to be a lot of firsts happening to and around me lately) and it was ok. Not exactly as tentatively planned, but ok. There will always be other Christmas'es' I told myself. 

So, attended the Christmas service with the family and spent some part of the day with the extended family cooking up a storm in the kitchen 😋 with the CCO (Chief Commanding Officer), my mother in-law supervising 😁 Afterwards, had a really quiet day no thanks to the powers that be, PHCN.  To cut short a rather boring long story, allow me to tell the story with pictures. 

 Trying to reason how to go about making our first Christmas really memorable and beginning to feel stressed. Even before I'd started anything🤦🏻.

 Yay, me finally catching the holiday spirit bug as soon as I started the decorations. Ably assisted by my bruva*

                                    Victory at last😄

And then cooking began in ernest. Here, I was the assistant chef😁

Christmas morning😍

And that was it. The highlight of the whole affair IMO was hosting guests, haha. My hostessing skills are quite rusty, believe me. 

Another surprise, the roads and streets of Lagos were empty and traffic was relatively light. I'd been told it would be that way. But Lagos? That's chock-full of human beings? Like sardines in a tin box? Impossicant I thought. But, seeing was indeed believing as it's said. Apparently, all the wise men from the East who'd migrated West to hustle, had returned home for the holidays, hehehe. Please do not quote me anywhere. 

There were still pockets of traffic here and there but not your typical Mexican stand off (according to hubby). Not that I strayed too far from my locale, nope. Waiting to see how the new year celebrations would look like. I've heard, touts take over during the cross over nights that are usually held in churches. Well, *Fingers Crossed*

😁😋🤐

And yes, Boxing Day did indeed look like this. There's more than enough to go round, please help yourself😀. Merry Christmas once again. 
Cheers...

*Bruva - Brother

Diary of a new Lagos Wife💍:The wedding party 🎊

Dear Diary,

Today I attended my first ever Lagos party  aka wedding aka owanbe *cues in Banky's “ain't no party like a Lagos party”*. I highly doubt my kind of party's what he was singing about, but still, “ain't no party like a Lagos party”. Hehe.

So, I'd attended with a certain mindset (the things I'd heard? Hmm) and I wasn't disappointed. What stood out for me most was the plethora of high class fashion(?) on display. *shrugs shoulders* I'm no fashionista, so I can't tell what's high fashion or not, but what I mean by high class fashion in this context, is the variety of styles that were on display. Wait, is it high class fashion or high end fashion?*facepalm* This is beyond me. Bottom line, I liked what I saw c'est finis. Them sisi ekos (Lagos belles) sure do know how to dress up and turn up. 

At some point I began to feel like the odd one cos guess what, I'd tied iro and buba, young sisi like me. Lol.

I really dunno what's obtainable in the iro and buba game, whether it's strictly for mamas (that's the general consensus) or young 'uns like us can also participate. I hear friends say they can't wear them and yours truly was once in that boat until she saw the light in person of a young girl who rocked it. 

My take though on fashion in general's that, whatever rocks your frame and is comfy and is carried by your conscience, why not? As for me, I tilt towards the conservative and laid back spectrum. In all, it was a lovely fashion parade wedding with me making mental notes 📝 of styles to sew next, haha. I kept musing about how I finally get to witness the "Lagos turn up" folks shout about on social media.  If anything, Lagosians ain't playing.

Hubby though was of the opinion that I was yet to see anything, that that was a precursor of things that were to come (pls bear with my grammar😂). 

But outside of fashion, I couldn't tell much any difference between a Lagos wedding and that of others, like say, Abuja. I had a swell time though, regardless of having arrived the venue feeling tired and drowsy. Why? Seven letters, one word, go!









Traffic! 🚥

Peace...

Diary of a new Lagos Wife💍: Imagine Dragons

Dear diary, 

I have a confession to make, I'm a scaredy cat. Never knew how much of a scaredy cat I was until my relocation to Lagos. Lagos, the monster that devours the hapless unsuspecting victim (at least in my head). I've been asked to not see it in that light, na God go help person. It brought out all my fears, both real and imagined and it turns out that the latter's the worse.

So, hubby practically pushed me out of the nest today. I'd been assigned this mission for a long time; “go to Egbeda” but I've been terrified of doing that on my own. Emphasis on “on my own”. At least I've passed through several times heavily "guarded", lol. Fear sha, smh. For those that know the distance between Igando and Egbeda, it's not such a big deal. I mean, I only get to enter one bus. This has made me remember my first individual trip at night to Ikotun *shudders*, another time. 

So I did and mission was successful until my return journey where instead of going to Igando, oga bus driver took me to Ikotun. Didn't notice in time because I was busy composing this. 

Well, to God be the glory, none of my imagined fears came to pass like missing a bus stop which technically (wasn't my fault) happened or being told that my English is too much or the bus leaving me because I'm walking too slowly (which nearly happened) or one conductor insulting me on top of my change because, reminder.

Ah Lagos, it's well. 

Shout out to hubby for pulling off a typical mother hen or is it eagle routine on me, you do well 😏. Lagos sha, it's not for me. I know this.

Peace...
Trivia: today's entry subject matter's a band name. Yup. I love their song “Believer”, check it out. 

Diary of a new Lagos Wife💍

Me coming outta my hiatus

Still me wondering if anyone's here

Oh bloggy, bloggy, bloggy, I've missed you so.

Hi there guys, howdy? This has been a long time coming but only until yesterday, courtesy of a comment on a post concerning my Lagos travails joys which I'd shared on facebook, have I decided to run with it. This title/series is courtesy of that and God willing, I shall be reposting the said post here. It'll be our first journal entry 😁. Timely, if you ask me cos I've encountered one time too many, stuff I'd rather not. In this Lagos.

I'm sure it's no longer news what brought yours truly down west right? If it is, I'm sorry and owe you guys a major throw/flash back. Click here to get the gist of how the Northern belle traded the North for West, epic.

So encountering Lagos was a huge culture shock for me all in all. Gist for another day seeing as this is us officially launching the “Diary of a new Lagos Wife💍” series. Sit back, put your feet up and enjoy the journey. Seeing Lagos through the eyes of a newbie. 

Ekaabo. 

Peace

Frank Friday: Being human

Back when I used to hear spending time with nature, I'd always picture myself neckdeep in shrubbery in some jungle or some other wild place. After all, nature equals wild yeah? Lol

I've never considered myself an outdoorsy person but then I still enjoyed the little things like watching the day break, or how the clouds move. 

I used to stay up late just because I wanted to hear and feel the night after all the hum drums the humans must have made. You know, we make so much noise. I sometimes wonder if all the noise is heard in space and how. Does it sound like a mighty drone of bees? Or like the dound of crashing waves? Only this time, the noise is magnified thousands of times over. I'm not a scientist so I can't tell the correct value of the magnification, not that you mind do you? 

So, not until I moved into a house with a balcony view did I realise what I'd been missing. I've always wanted to live in one and it happened, onto the next wish. The minutes I spend there drinking in all the sights that take place above and below me is something I can't describe. Just know that God is truly great. 

I could spend hours just gazing up at the sky, it's just that that we humans have something other living beings don't. It's called a job. Hence, one can't possibly do enough of the above. It'd be termed, “wasting time.” Well, thank God for “small” mercies, for those pockets of time that one can freely indulge.

Peace...

Flawlessly Flawed

My flaws be my reminders
Reminders that I'm human
So I should rely less on myself
And even lesser on others

But to rely on He that is flawless

My flaws make me, me

I refuse to apologize for 'em

I refuse to hide 'em

I choose to flaunt 'em

How else would you recognize me

Without 'em?

Perfectly flawed

Flaws

My flaws na my reminders

Reminders say na human I be

So make I no rely on myself at all

And especially others

But to rely on Gyim wey stand gidigba

I once used to be ashamed of my perceived short comings. I remember not wearing sleeveless for a very long while because of a keloid I have on my arm. It took me a long while to accept it. But now, I forget it's even there. This is me embracing my flaws and flaunting them too. Go flaunt yours.

Princess Warrior

So many fights

So many battles 

The greatest I fear

Is the battle of self

I have an ongoing battle 

One I thought

I won a long time ago

A pyrrhic victory at best

But a victory nonetheless

Alas I fear, 

An old enemy's risen.

From the shadows

It had been banished to,

It arises

But fear not, 

For this time, 

It shall be conquered 

Once and for all.

Once and for good, 

Shall it be conquered.

                                  ***

My note indicates that I penned this at 11:58am on 24th December 2013. Hmm, it's been three years. And I was at work. I recall the circumstances that surrounded that scribble.

Everyone's got a demon they battle daily; personal demons, work demons, financial demons. For some, it may be anger, depression, lust, envy, pride, name it. God gives us the victory daily.

Peace...

SOTD "New Dawn Fades" by Joy Division 

Christmas, here I come

"Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree you stand in verdant beauty." Fret not, I know it ain't Christmas yet, just testing my vocal chords to see if they still work fine (after screaming myself hoarse last night). Christmas' nearly upon us and I'm thinking, where did the year go? 2017 was fast. Too fast. Yesterday I was screaming happy new year and now...wow. I remember my days of listening to carols and religiously memorising them like my life depended on it, 😂 I and my sissy. Life was beautiful then. Not that it ain't now, but childhood innocence counts for something.

So, the year's rounding off once again to another close - glory to God. Is it too early to say merry Christmas? 😁 Merry Christmas. Please, just take it like that. 

😘 

Peace

Moments

It's not everyday one gets to meet good people and that's why saying goodbye to this set of people's heart breaking. One of my personal persons had to resign recently  and I miss her already. But that's life yeah? Coming and going. Today we meet people and tomorrow we say goodbye, sad.

Well, here's to baby girl, I wish you the best in all of your future endeavours. She was a sweet girl.

Rock 'n' Smile

Admittedly, I don't regard smiling as an area of strength for me so I'm always taken in by a genuine one. I came across an old lady today. Yes, lady not woman with a really beautiful smile. It was the smile that got me I must confess. I wondered what a radiant smile could be doing on such a face. It was such a contrast.

I kinda have a thing for smiles since I find it difficult manufacturing one (for lack of a better word) for people.

There are tons of things to smile about, yeah and a lot of things on the other hand to worry about and I applaud and envy those who make the right choice of smiling.💪

The Bible says a cheerful heart doeth good like medicine but a heavy heart drieth up the bones.

Note to self, learn to smile more even foolishly if need be and yesss,  I came across this very lovely song by Linkin park,  'Roads Untraveled'. I loveet. Another thing I'm partial to? Rock. Here's a video; you can sing along, lyrics' the image above. 

Frank Friday: Midnight Escapades

The things that happen at midnight are better left unsaid but I think my activities are innocuous enough to be talked about lol. I once used to be an active night crawler (nah, not in that way), I mean a night owl. Night time was when I was very active.

That year in school while men slept, Linda cooked, Linda washed, Linda mopped, Linda listened to loud music, Linda did a lot of things in that odd hour. My roommates heard it sha, lol. In my opinion, night time is divine. The silence and stillness, everywhere's so calm.

By night time I mean midnight. In this clime, the midnight hour's associated with a lot of terribles (is that a word please?); as that's when evil thrives under cover of darkness, and all. Midnight hour's that doorway between the living and dead. Yep, I said it. A doorway between the known and the unknown, the banal and the mystical. That hour where anything's possible. It's like a special time when anything can happen. Many folklore associate the midnight hour with magic; tales of mystic, mystery and a certain touch of awe. The dead come back to walk among the living, the pretty maiden changes back to her 'real' form, the wolf-man changes its form, skinchangers and other monsters walk upon the earth's surface. Whew, I could go on and on but I'm not Dean Koontz and the rest. It's when all the magic happens sha, you get.

Simply put, the midnight hour is the best of times to be productive (my opinion). It's the best of times to pray, to listen, to meditate and to strategise. The midnight hour's a time to recharge and reboot by sleeping (for those who don't appreciate what the hour connotes) and I wrote that in the most condescending of tones by the way. I mean, how can you not appreciate that hour? Lol, I kid biko cos I'm now team sleep (on good days). I'd better enjoy it while stock lasts.

It's time I switched off now, it's 1:52 am btw. I've burnt my midnight oil to the ground and my hour's up. Just thought to pen this down.

Ciao...
I had fun scaring folks with that photo😂😹
Oh, and I've got cold. Again. Dunno how the virus keeps getting me😐😑

On being a wall flower

I'd start by saying, as a wall flower your default answer should be no. At all times (I'll expatiate on that in another post). Today's for the wall flowers in the hizzouse (a show of hands please✌)😂

So here goes:

1. At all times, turn down offers to attend social functions. Yep, end of post. That's what being a wall flowers's all about, saying no. Lol, ok not the end.
2. If perchance you were tricked or coerced or for whatever reason you decide to go, arrive early, you don't want anyone to see you arriving do you? If you find yourself running late, try to slip in quietly and unobtrusively. Let it be that you just did appear out of thin air. 
3. Dress to blend
4. Find your spot; a vantage point where you can see all and not be seen
5. Befriend the couch and do not for any reason disengage from it.
6. Note all exit points in case of emergencies like needing a breath of fresh air or escaping loudmouths or/and for quick and easy getaway. You'll thank me later 😉

So that's that, got any more to add? But why would you want to be a wall flower anyways? Being a wall flower's not for the faint of heart just so you know😋

Disclaimer: This is a tongue in cheek post by the way.

*

*

*

Nah, I lied but personally, I enjoy being a wall flower. Infact,  it's one of my hobbies. I own it. Cheers, gotta run.... 

Peace. 

I love that photo, it's from my phone's wallpaper collection. 

Jolly July

Hi darlings,

Issa new month, happy July guys. How was the weekend? Rainy right?  Yeah, same here and then Lekki was flooded, whew.

Saw pictures online since I've refused to own a TV set. Please don't ask why, cos I assure you that my answer wouldn't make a lick of sense.

There's a lot I wanna say but don't even know where to start. So, that's that. Once again, happy lollified July.

Peace.

Did I mention I spent the entire weekend indoors? Well I'd have felt it if not that I was kept busy with the wig I was working on. Handwork's good I tell you. Sometimes.

Will also be sharing some of my write ups next month. Yesss, I'd participated in a competition on IG (my first😁) and it was fun I tell you. And challenging too. It's not beans writing daily, ya'll can testify to it here, hehe. So, the goal's to share one for everyday. Should've started this month but well, as you can see, we're way into the month. So August by God's grace, will be sharing a write-up everyday God willing.

Since June was 30 days and August 31, will be throwing in a last day bonus😉

Bye people, I leave you with "Holy Grail", it was my sound accompaniment all through my lazy busy weekend😘

My Glasses and I

Different shades of Shades

I hear so often that I look different with and/or without my glasses on. I guess that's true for most glass wearers, you'd definitely look different after all, just putting on a pair of sunshades could be the difference between life and death in all those spy movies.

So, I dedicate this poem to all glass wearers worldwide and to all of my glasses who've faithfully served, has served and will serve me; future, past and present.

***

When vision fails and threatens to fade

My glasses come to the rescue‎

When my eyes sore and tired wail‎

She comes to my aid

When it's too bright

My eyes‎ she shades 

For all of these 

Do I love her?

No

I could never love her

Each the other tolerates

However, she knows I'm the boss of her‎

Nameless

Let's talk about getting old. When last did you take a gooood look at your parents? Over the weekend, I did have a wake up call.

As young adults, we sometimes get so caught up in our lives that we forget our parents are getting older same way we are. In my mind's eye, I still see them with the eyes of a child, like they're strong and will always remain same way but that's only an illusion, they won't always remain same way and one day, they won't be around (fact).

Sometimes, I feel like the worst of daughters (who'd believe my story?) I mean, I'm good at forgetting about my parents as in, I only think about them in an unconscious kinda way and not in an intentional kinda way. Get my drift?

And something's always bothered me. Your happiness or your parents' happiness, which should be paramount? I know I won't get an answer, still I'm asking anyway. It gets so tiring trying to place others' happiness before yours (selfish much?) but it's true. I think I really need to work on that.

So I promised myself to try to do better. I'm not always the best of daughters, I mess up sometimes most times, haha (I'm laughing but I'm not. Really). 

Happy Dem's day BTW

Photo Credit: Sara's O world

SOTD (Song of the day) 'Towards the Sun'