Frank Friday: Sometimes...

I sometimes forget.
I forget who I am
I forget my confessions
I forget my faith
I forget that I'm different
I forget who I am

I forget too much I think

To forget is good

But not all forgetfulness is good

I forget that I need to love myself

Bad

I forget that I matter

Bad

I forget that I have a right to what I feel

Bad

I forget to put myself first
Sometimes good, sometimes bad
Life once used to be black or white
I forget how that was
Sometimes good, sometimes bad
Now, I'm somewhere in between

Frozen Smiles and Bleeding Hearts

The year was 2015, someone had just had their heart broken. And for that, the world stood still *applause*

Well, at least that's how the expression, "Frozen Smiles and Bleeding Hearts' was interpreted. In as much as the world revolves around relationships (yes, it certainly does), it's not always a man and woman thing. I mean, there are so many things that could pass as heart break barring a romantic relationship. 

1. I just missed out on eating my favourite flavour of ice cream, that's heart breaking.
2. Engrossed in a book and a favourite character's killed e.g, Dumbledore in Harry Potter, now that's really heart breaking. Should I go on?
3. Someone promises me money at a time I really do need it and *gasp*, it's a no deal. Hmm, this is more than a heartbreak I tell you.

So, why all these examples? Well, things ain't always the way they appear to be. Until black and/or white's been proven to be that, then, let there be gray areas until something else happens that makes that pale in comparison.

I realize that that expression,could mean so many things sha subject to the readers or hearers, so I forgive your false or not so false assumptions😛. In that case, just leave me with my frozen smile and bleeding heart.

Yours' in heartbreak, adniL.

Flawlessly Flawed

My flaws be my reminders
Reminders that I'm human
So I should rely less on myself
And even lesser on others

But to rely on He that is flawless

My flaws make me, me

I refuse to apologize for 'em

I refuse to hide 'em

I choose to flaunt 'em

How else would you recognize me

Without 'em?

Perfectly flawed

Flaws

My flaws na my reminders

Reminders say na human I be

So make I no rely on myself at all

And especially others

But to rely on Gyim wey stand gidigba

I once used to be ashamed of my perceived short comings. I remember not wearing sleeveless for a very long while because of a keloid I have on my arm. It took me a long while to accept it. But now, I forget it's even there. This is me embracing my flaws and flaunting them too. Go flaunt yours.

Frank Friday: Life & Family

"Family wounds are hardest to heal," I once read somewhere. The statement's so true. It hurts more when betrayed or wounded by people you hold dear. The same ones that are meant to have your back and to shield you from the very hurt they themselves are inflicting on you. You know where it gets funny? It's these set of people that don't even realize they're hurting you. I've been on both sides of the coin (both recipient and giver) so I should know. We toss words out casually and carelessly to our loved ones and are more careful with outsiders (most times), why? This post was to look at how we use our words but now...I'm kinda distracted and my heart's heavy. A lot of stuff ain't making sense to me so, I'll leave you with these:👇 Ciao.

Photo credit; YouVersion Bible App

A Letter To Her Blog

My dear dear blog,

It's with great sadness that I write to you. I'm sorry that I've not been there for you, I'm sorry that I abandoned you, I'm sorry that I've not had enough time for you. That I've not been posting does not mean that I've not been writing. You're always on my mind and you're all that I think of (ok, exaggeration, but you get my drift). 

Truth is, you're not far from my thoughts but so many things have conspired to keep me away from you; time, life, work, studies et al. Life most especially's been a lil hectic.

So this is me saying sorry that you feel neglected, out of sight isn't out of mind. I want to crave your indulgence and assure you that soon, everything will be alright. Everything will be just fine.

Yours'

Preoccupied blogger.

How I Sat-Ur(My)-Day: A Train(ed) Story

Who remembers that nursery rhyme of the train waiting at the station? 

Hi guys😁 *waves* lol, just take the virtual wave abeg. It's been so long and I missed you guys, I missed the blog and I did miss writing. Not that I've not been writing, just not been publishing 😁

So, I'm gonna drop this gist that I've baby sat for too long and I had help writing it btw by my co author and partner in the tale. So, here goes nothing.

Who goes on a round-trip via train between Abuja and Kaduna, for no other reason than the sheer novelty of the experience? Meeee. Yes me, I so did. Well, because I caould and because - read up - it was a novel experience and an exciting one at that. 

Sight me? 

The trip involved a four hour train ride,  and a 90-minute layover at the Rigasa terminal in Kaduna. So as I'm sure you can imagine, there was a lot of sitting. The padded train seats were comfortable though and the air-conditioned cabin soothed all other sedentary discomforts. My only complaint would be that I couldn't recline the seats for a more comfortable posture,  and I didn't bring a seat cushion along.

Interior

The waiting stint in the departure lounge at the  Rigasa station was also in an air-conditioned and 'fan-assisted' hall with metal seats. They were suitable but I'm sure they were not designed to encourage long-term sitting.

It was a bright and smiley sunny day

Whatever the case, on both occasions,  l sat until it was a chore, from 10am when the train departed Kubwa, Abuja for Rigasa, Kaduna and back. Including another hour and half wait at the Rigasa terminal. 

But enough of the butt-aching story. The scenery consisted mostly of rocky,  mountainous areas interspersed with wide,  flat grasslands over which one could gaze out for a couple of kilometers. There were intermittent farmlands and drying streams, cattle and their herders and zinc covered sheds and thatched settlements. Over all, it wasn't exactly a scenery per se but it was enough.

My companion spent a better part of the trip trying to get me to sleep when I remarked about how sleep-deprived I felt from a very short night the day before.

All in all, it was a good trip. Not particularly fun as fun might be defined cos we ended up not touring as planned but, it was fun none the less😊

As with all things, I learnt some lessons on the trip which I shall be sharing anytime soon. Bye, have a lovely week ahead 😘 
Peace... 

Love, The Greatest

His blood,

Freely given.

His name,

Freely accessed.

His forgiveness,

Freely shared.

For you.

For me.

For all of us.

None despised,

None forsaken.

One died for all,

Once and for all.

Not all dying for one.

Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friend(s).

That's what Jesus did. To think that He did that even before we knew or loved Him. It's just like me taking the place of a random convict on death row. Madness aye? In a way that's the kind of crazy love God has for us and he asks us to open our hearts and bask in this love, His love. In him. How hard can that be aye? Well, don't look at me.

So, while you all go out to enjoy the day, let this be fore front (sounds like tautology *shrugs*), Jesus loves you. No love, no matter how beautiful could ever measure up to His. It'll always fall short. We can only try. The only love akin to His (IMO) is that of a mother's and even that's a poor replica.

Anyhoo, I didn't come to preach, I got carried away. So I'm off to hug the lover of my soul hehe. That is, until He reveals himself in the flesh through one handsome bobo designed by Him and for me. Adios. 

Peace... 

Little bursts of Clarity

Happy new year lovelies. Circumstances have brought me here much earlier than anticipated. I was gonna be here Val's day armed with the greatest love story ever told or heard. You know what that greatest love story is? It's a beautiful story, I never get tired of reading about it *hint hint*  Some do I'm sure. So, back to why I'm here.

While groping in the midst of my grief this fine morning and pondering on a message I'd sent someone, my eyes alighted on something. A message. Any other day, I prolly wouldn't read much into it but let's just say that message was perfect for the time and state I found myself in. It read: "let there be heart's peace when each day is done", like wow. That says a lot in so little words. The message packed a punch. I'm not going to break it down, I believe it's really self explanatory.

God really is present. He's everywhere. I saw Him in the smile of a child that came with her mum for a condolence visit. She was such a giggly baby. I also saw Him in the hugs shared and received. I saw Him in the prayers and messages of friends and associates. I saw Him in the selflessness and generosity of some persons. I saw Him in a moment of sunshine when my mind began to get clouded and it was a symbolic moment. I saw Him in the messages He brought me at the right time. The right word, the right music, the right devotional. 

And I saw Him again, today in that message.

This period has been a learning curve for me. I'm always learning sha so it wasn't so difficult. I'm learning that I've got patience after all. I'm also glad that what I'm learning, I'd already learnt theoretically and I'm only now learning its practicals. God is so good. I can't adequately describe how real He was to me this period. He was so real, I could practically feel him walking with me and giving me his hand like a gentleman would to a lady when He felt my strength flagging. He was right there whispering words of comfort and cautioning me when the ballistic moments came knocking, lol. Wow. I'm still not done grieving and may never will, (this was expressed so elegantly in a poem a friend shared with me, I hope to share it with you guys someday) but I do not grieve as those without hope. The light of God's word shines its brightest when it's darkest. This is my testimony. Allez up (lol, dunno what that is or if it means anything sef, it just sounds like a good sign off). 

Peace... 

Giddyap

So, it's finally come to this *sigh*

Please don't leave, pretty please don't. 

We were so good together, are you gonna throw away an entire year? Just like that?

******

Lol, I dunno what the above is, but it just came to mind. So, to the main gist: 2017 highlights. Yeahhhhh, I, like so many others (I'm sure) am taking stock. How did the year go, what did we do, what didn't we do, what should we have done  differently and yada yada. 

2017 was a good year. Although in the beginning, it wasn't so. My theme for the year was 'hopeful' and you could say things did turn out that way. In retrospect, it was also a year of cakes, lol. The year of cakes, I like how that sounds. Had too much of it. So, here are a few highlights of 2017 as it concerns me biko, not the world.

-I moved into my own apartment. Whoohoo, I'm still excited about that. But wait, did I say apartment? Lol, biko, room. 

-Floated a business this year.

-Came outta the closet with my writing.

-Attained lofty heights spiritually. I was actually intentional with my spirituality this year, wawu.

-And yes, I finally did start walking the talk. I'm talking about love, walking in love. This is probably tied to the spiritual height mentioned up there. It is actually tied to it, who am I deceiving?

-Another wawu here, I was more outgoing. Put myself out there (whatever that means), made new friends and just generally didn't take life too serious this year. Yippee, progress. Again, in the beginning, it wasn't so. 

-Started upon an idea for a book (Lord help me, I'm a wonderful procrastinator).

-Acquired a new skill, gele tying. I'm sure someone was thinking coding, lol. And since then, I've been rocking gele upandan. 

-Attended a lot of weddings. Like really, a lot...

and other stuff that I'm grateful to God for. 

And...that's it. Sounds like a busy year yeah? False.

In as much as those wonderful things happened, certain things didn't.

-Didn't conclude my studies as I'd intended

-Zero savings no thanks to some poor financial decisions I made early in the year.

-And then I failed to finish my tailoring course. It wasn't convenient honestly, but it still hurts when I think of it. 

-I also didn't exactly follow up on my commitment to the blog this year.

Projections for 2018

I've got one and only one, to be done with my studies. I'm so tired of been so tired of it hanging around my neck. Who send me work? Perhaps when I'm done with that, I can now focus properly on my career path. I need to look into that. Oh, and also to try more in putting myself out there (whatever that does mean). 😁

Oh, and one more, be more intentional with my book list. Venture out to read more business books and technical stuff? Books on economics, world economy and power, you know, all those sorta stuffy books? (My heart rate just spiked when I typed that) lol. It's difficult reading such books and that's why I have to be intentional about it.

Generally, 2017 was amazing and I owe most of that to you guys. Yes, you. Thanks for  all of the encouragement; reading, commenting, liking and sharing all them write ups. Really, it did mean a lot. Here's saying I love you all, keep the flag flying. And for those of us who barely achieved ½ of what we'd set out to do during the year, the race ain't over. Keep keeping on 😉

Photo Credit: Google Images

Princess Warrior

So many fights

So many battles 

The greatest I fear

Is the battle of self

I have an ongoing battle 

One I thought

I won a long time ago

A pyrrhic victory at best

But a victory nonetheless

Alas I fear, 

An old enemy's risen.

From the shadows

It had been banished to,

It arises

But fear not, 

For this time, 

It shall be conquered 

Once and for all.

Once and for good, 

Shall it be conquered.

                                  ***

My note indicates that I penned this at 11:58am on 24th December 2013. Hmm, it's been three years. And I was at work. I recall the circumstances that surrounded that scribble.

Everyone's got a demon they battle daily; personal demons, work demons, financial demons. For some, it may be anger, depression, lust, envy, pride, name it. God gives us the victory daily.

Peace...

SOTD "New Dawn Fades" by Joy Division