Thank God I'm a Woman?

This Poem is loaded with so much Sarcasm, I just had to share. It's by Anna Wickham and is titled "The Affinity". Enjoy.

I have to thank God I'm a woman, 

For in these ordered days a woman only 

Is free to be very hungry, very lonely. 

It is sad for Feminism, but still clear 

That man, more often than woman, is pioneer. 

If I would confide a new thought, 

First to a man must it be brought. 

Now, for our sins, it is my bitter fate 

That such a man wills soon to be my mate, 

And so of friendship is quick end: 

When I have gained a love I lose a friend. 

It is well within the order of things 

That man should listen when his mate sings;

But the true male never yet walked 

Who liked to listen when his mate talked. 

I would be married to a full man, 

As would all women since the world began; 

But from a wealth of living I have proved 

I must be silent, if I would be loved. 

Now of my silence I have much wealth, 

I have to do my thinking all by stealth. 

My thoughts may never see the day; 

My mind is like a catacomb where early Christians pray. 

And of my silence I have much pain, 

But of these pangs I have great gain; 

For I must take to drugs or drink, 

Or I must write the things I think. 

If my sex would let me speak, 

I would be very lazy and most weak; 

I should speak only, and the things I spoke 

Would fill the air awhile, and clear like smoke. 

The things I think now I write down, 

And some day I will show them to the Town. 

When I am sad I make thought clear; 

I can re-read it all next year. 

I have to thank God I'm a woman, 

For in these ordered days a woman only 

Is free to be very hungry, very lonely. 

Life's beautiful...Smile

Photo Credit(s): Vecteezy, Shutterstock.

A Commuter's Tale

I've taken to going to and from work via this very long bus we call urban mass back in the FCT.

This is it.

It all started as part of my operation cut cost cos on a good day, I wouldn't use them. It takes longer arriving my destination but I'm kinda enjoying it cos of all the shenanigans that take place in it while in transit, hehe.

The other day, on my way back home a mutiny threatened to strike. Ok, not mutiny more like disorderly behaviour. We had left Area 3 in Garki en route Gwagwalada. It was at the peak of traffic, rush hour when all most offices have closed and everyone's running home.

So, I don't know what got into the *epa but he took a wrong route in the name of avoiding the traffic jam ahead. We had to circle back into town (no mean feat with traffic everywhere). To cut a long story short after much diversions and meeting same result, the passengers began to hyperventilate with insults ringing from all sides.

My amusement changed to alarm when some over excited ones got it into their heads to wrestle control of the steering wheel with the driver. Others began to shout with one woman screaming out the window, "help, help". It was crazy I tell you and I began to pray for the Holy Spirit's intervention. Imagine being in a long bus that's weaving this way and that, it wasn't funny but it was funny. After the fear had passed that is. 

Having finished my prayer, I relaxed, ready to watch the drama unfold (kent fit shout) while enjoying my boiled corn on the cob.

Ultimately, we arrived Gwags two hours late (talk about irate passengers. I pitied the old man sha, na condition make cray fish bend.

*an elderly man.

Photo Credit: aumtco.com

Faces

There are faces 

And then there are faces

A bitch resting face

A neutral face

A mad face

An angry face

A sick face

A tired face

A world weary face

A bright face

A cunning face

And tons of other faces

I love them all equally 

Or unequally?

This face I wear

Ain't mine

I borrow faces

To emote feelings

Running wild in my head 

In my body 

In my mind

I wear many faces

Each day

A different face

Each situation

A different face

Each occasion

A different face

These faces I wear-

Long

Happy

Sad

Thoughtful

Disappointed ‎

Stressed

Strained

Wise

Open

Honest

Scowly

Scarred

Fearsome

Feisty

-I wear them with pride

Today it's a shiny face

Tomorrow it's a mask of a face

Some with a measure of hesitancy

I wear

Some faces are formidable

And threatening to other faces

I wear these faces only when needed

On extreme contrivances

Many faces have I

But I'm stuck with two

These two faces I find

Are all that I need

They carry the messages

I desire to spread

These faces of mine

Have served unreservedly

Faithfully

Loyally

Swerving neither left nor right

As straight as parallel lines

Remain they

Poker-faced

Unfazed

These are the faces I favour

This face I wear

Wears me out sometimes 

I teach it to laugh 

But it adamantly refuses 

So I borrow a laughing face

This isn't my face

My face is fair

And long

And fair

And pimply

And dimply

That's my face alright

But the face that looks out at me now

I fear

I do not recognise

This face of mine

It draws people to me

And chases others away from me

This face of mine

Mine yet not mine

This face I wear

Does it accurately portray me?

Am I my face?

Is my face I?

This face I wear

Simple yet complex

Underneath the lines 

The care worn lines

Of having lived

Underneath the crags and craters

That garnish the surface of my face

Lies yet more faces

The face of worry

The face of doubt 

The face of shame

The face of anxiety

Many faces have I 

But above all

I prefer my homely face

My homely face exudes peace

My homely face exudes love

Tolerance 

Acceptance

This face I wear

Which do you wear?

I wear the face of success 

And when I'm feeling exceptional gay

I wear the fey

The fey face never fails me

When times are bad

Then comes out the bold

The rock face's strong and hard

But then 

It's too heavy for comfort 

I can barely carry it around 

I pray they continue to serve

These faces of mine

Until the day

I put them finally to rest

And that I shall do with a smile

Knowing that I have used them all

And exhausted them of whatever life drop

They might have possessed

Photo Credit; Musings from Mt. Helicon

Frank Friday: A Reminder to Dear Self

This again is a recycled piece that was first published here. What frame of mind I was in, I do not care to recall but I'm risking a certain degree of... putting it out like this, but hey, it's frank Friday.

I find that I spend too much of my time in my head and this unfortunately has its repercussions. Occasionally, I may venture out to see what’s going on with the world – albeit, reluctantly – I almost always regret it cos I'm disheartened by what I see and hear – disaster upon disaster, it’s all bad news.

So what’s a gal to do? Remain in in my head of course, indefinitely. Not that it’s pleasant all of the time, at least I’m the creator here, the one in charge. It’s when I’m in my head solutions are proffered; it’s all rosy in here.

On the flip side though, I tend to lose touch with reality, the world just  moves on without me leaving me to catch up while gasping for breath (for the few times I actually care to bother).

Then something happens to make me realise that I ought to be bothered. Really bothered. 

Photo Credit: A Friend's DP

Turtle Soup

Gloria Gaynor's 'I will Survive' usually does the trick but not this time. No, not this time. My mantra of recent (I keep switching 'em) has been 'The just shall shall live by their faith'. It just keeps going round and round in my head not that I'm complaining, no. 

So, my actual reason for coming out of a semi vacay is 'cos of the  news my lil' birds have been bringing. With all I've heard so far this maxim neatly wraps up what I'm been told: 

when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

That said, I have good news. All that's going on with the economy, fuel subsidy, price hikes et al is for good. Eh? Someone's wondering if they read correctly, yes you did. Business moguls - or should I say experts? - say it is at times like this great opportunities present themselves (for my business oriented people, shine ya eyes). This is the time some of my friends will hammer (come into good fortune). Thou knoweth thyselves.

I was glad (with reason) when all these changes began I was forced to give up on certain unhealthy habits like my love for snacks and pick up healthy ones, long walks. Before I purchase a snack, boy, I reason it well. Ain't got that kinda cash to throw around no more. You feeling me? Hahaha. But really, desperate times call for desperate measures.

For me personally, it has been a great time for my experiments to thrive (I'm big on DIYs) and has opened up alternative means of getting things done (does multipurpose ring a bell)? For example, let's start with:

Food: I've found that so much I thought I couldn't do without, I can actually do without and have found new uses for food items that I once undermined.

Beauty regime: back to the basics biko. I never knew I had an Aloe Vera plant in my house (ok, I did know, but never paid it any mind) until I ran out of cleanser (ladies, I hope you're reading in between the lines).

Transportation: I hear carpooling's great but I wouldn't know 'cos my car's yet to arrive (on the high seas *wink*). So for those of us still hopping buses, it's not for every mileage you need to board a vehicle (truth be told), there's a reason some are called 'walking distance'. Work those muscles.

The US passed through a great depression once upon a time and history has it down as one of the dreariest of times - I shudder to think of what went down in that period - that I daresay has made them the formidable nation that they are today. What we're passing through now is beans compared to that. My advise for the time being, would be to buckle those belts, hold tight, sit tight and try not to fall off 'cos it's gonna be one helluva ride.

Meanwhile, I cannot logically explain why that title for this post 'Turtle Soup' but I have this feeling that I do know why.

So pretty please do share, what lifestyle changes have you had to make with all that's going on?

Photo Credit; PicsyMag

Sunday Special: The House Yonder II

This piece first appeared on Curioser & Curiouser (it really is a curious site). So, enjoy the second part of Mr. Grief's search. Will he find what he seeks?

****
With angry clouds streaking across the sky, Mr. Grief awoke with dawn’s first light as was his custom. His mind was made up to find this man people called Rabbi rain or no rain. As so often his custom, his mind wanders down memory lane wondering when it all went wrong. When did his life begin to disintegrate? Shaking himself loose, he mutters, “Not today Grief, not today.”

Showering quickly, he steps out of his house and almost unconsciously, glances towards Salvation Street. It had become habit. Everything looks better over there he thinks. With a fresh resolve, he enters his car and drives off to find the man they called Rabbi.

****

After driving a long while and nearly having an incident with the cops, he finally locates this Rabbi. It had taken him all day to track him down and so he took a moment to collect himself now that he had finally found him.

He is struck by the large crowd that seem to surround this man, he must be an enigma he concludes.

“…blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven…” That voice, he was certain he had heard it before. All of his life, that voice had prodded him, pushed him and encouraged him when all he wanted doing was to give up and die.

“…blessed are they who hunger…” But I know this voice! Grief says again in his heart and this time, it is with conviction he thinks it.

He hasn’t so much as gotten a glimpse of this man called Rabbi but already, he could sense a change washing over him, like cool cool water on an overheated body. He most certainly would enjoy talking to this man but first, he had to find a way to have audience with him, he wouldn’t want anyone recognising him. Finding a cool shade just far enough from the crowd but close enough to hear the man’s words, he waits, carefully keeping his face averted.

***

The Rabbi goes on with his teachings seemingly oblivious to the little man standing just beyond the edge of the crowd but he is very much aware of him and had anticipated his coming. This Pharisees he thinks, they will not hear and even when they hear, they will not believe. Yet, they leave him not alone. Let him wait.

***

The last stragglers finally leave and Grief rushes to seek audience with the young Master. Master? He stops short, where had that come from? He must really be tired he thinks. He stands before the Rabbi, he looks younger than he had imagined. They look at themselves as if asking, “What next?”

That was actually what Grief was thinking, now that he had come, what next? He suddenly finds that he cannot look the man in the eye. He feels so sad and tired and ashamed. Get a grip on yourself man, you are way older than he is.

“Master,” he finally croaks out. That word again. “I have heard that you have a solution to everything. I have a problem and I need you to help me.” He went on to pour his heart out to this young man called Rabbi, his fears, anxieties, worries, his fights with Mrs Bile, his desire to move to Salvation Street and very recently, his guilt. He just couldn’t stop, it seemed a dam had been opened. By the time he was done, he was surprised to find that he was crying and the young man was still listening, his composure oozing patience and love.

“Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.”

That sounded familiar, Grief was sure he had come across that before but where? The young man called Rabbi wasn’t done.

“Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.”

Grief is crushed, he does not understand these words but surely they mean something? “But Master,” at this point, it no longer feels weird calling him that. “How does that help me claim residence on Salvation Street?”

The young man looks at him ever so lovingly and says, “Go home and ponder these things.”

Grief walks slowly back to his car. Admittedly, the young man called Rabbi had not said anything about his transition to Salvation Street, but he could sense that everything will be alright and for the first time in a long while, there’s a spring in Mr Grief’s steps.

No. 1 Salvation Street, that has a nice ring to it he thinks.

***The end.

Photo Credit: Jesusdaily.com

Frank Friday: Cheap Thrills

TGIF? Ok, this is meant to be like a tongue-in-cheek responsorial piece to Sia (I must say, I like Sia. A lot) but I'm honestly not trying to be funny. Do well to look out for those small bursts of seriousness, it wouldn't hurt to pick out some home truths to run with.

So, Sia wrote a song 'Cheap Thrills' and like the human being that I am, rather than listen to songs that intrigue me, I first scope out the lyrics. If it's A-okay, I zoom off with it. But if it's Z-not-ok, OYO (on your own).

While Sia's message is about not having to clear one's bank account in order to have fun, I can't help but dwell on that word 'Cheap Thrills' cos most times that's what we engage in compared to life's bigger picture.

Our society thrives on instant gratification. See it? Covet. Like it? Buy. Want it? Possess. Why wait when you can have it now?? We've taken to satisfying our wants by all means without entertaining thoughts of how it may shape our future. YOLO right? So why not take the chance? Let the future take care of itself.
Swallowing quantity/hype over quality which satisfies for a while and then leaves you aching and longing for more. These cheap thrills are everywhere and come in different wraps and packaging, glittery and alluring.

Cheap thrills = present wise, future foolish or as a friend puts it; play now, pay later.

Can't remember where I was going with this post, but here's my answer to the ones who constantly badger me to go have fun, especially when your idea of fun is 'questionable', I don't do cheap thrills, ha ha. Enjoy the weekend folks.

No offence Sia, we still good.
Trivia: Why do I like Sia?

Photo Credit: 7×7

Mayday

Wanted starting this post with happy workers' day but my heart won't let me, what's there to be happy about? 

That some workers are still been owed huge sums in arrears? That some barely scrape by with their monthly stipend called salary? That many are overworked yet underpaid? Tell me, what exactly is there to be celebrated? Let me not even bring in the matter of minimum wage, this place will just scatter. 

The average Nigerian worker is frustrated (but you're not, say amen), hungry, angry, bitter and jobless. Yes jobless, I dunno about you but from where I'm looking in, the average Nigerian worker's always job hunting. Now, I wonder why that sounds so familiar. 

Unsurprisingly, no one's wished me a happy workers' day (well, except my bank. Banks!!! *shudders*). Yo! Workers in the house, what's happening? Easy with the vexing. I wonder if there's going to be some sort of parade like they have in certain parts of the country, but I highly doubt that. Not with the vibes I'm getting. Well, my little birds tell me that there shall be a placard carrying protest in lieu of a celebration, how grand is that?

Everyone's angry; angry with the economy, angry with baba, angry with God? I hope not. I understand sha. You're working with nothing to show for it. Sometimes I wonder if it isn't madness to expect a productive workforce when an enabling environment has not been created for that to take place. I don't know how workers can be productive when they're barely satisfied. 

They're disgruntled and hungry and angry (anger lies in the bosom of a hungry man, yup quote me. I know what I'm saying) and you're expecting their very best? Oga o.

Somethings I don't like to think about how much more, talk about 'cos my spirit dips and I don't like that. So, one good day I made a decision that it wasn't everything I wanted seeing/reading/hearing about, there's a lot of ill news making the rounds and I don't want a part of it. In came selective exposure and it's been there ever since. I can't shout. 

Talking about hunger, I'm a big foodie and I know how nasty I get when I'm hungry, I turn into something else. So workers, I feel us jare, things aren't looking so pinkish right now but there's always a silver lining somewhere, let's look for it shall we?

I think I found one, you get to stay home and rest today, lol. But some persons ain't resting though, like the media practitioners, this is even when they've got extraneous scoops to pursue like covering our your protest march for instance.

So, uhm, a tentative happy workers' day? *duckshead* ejo o, easy. Una no sabi joke again? But on a more serious note, things will surely get better. Have faith, hold on to hope and fret not thyselves.

Photo Credit: Nigerian Eye.

Burning Bush and Other Stories

On a certain road trip, I came across a scene -a long forgotten practice that put a smile on my face- bush burning. Not just any bush burning, bush burning with the intent of killing Rats, Rabbits, Grasscutters and any/all unfortunate resident(s) of a bush. All these are what we refer to as bush meat, a delicacy. If you haven't eaten bush meat, I wonder for you.

So, I saw this teenagers (boys of course, they're the hunters) armed with their sticks in a semi circle, ready to deal a deadly blow to any unfortunate victim that comes running out. Now I wonder if I felt sorry for the hapless creatures back in the days when I participated in this hunting expeditions. Ok, I didn't participate in the hunting per se but I did watch (from a safe distance), so I was more or less a passive participant lol. At least, I wasn't part of the welcome party. Those were the ones who stayed back home but wanted part of the goodies.

I spent a growing up part of my years in a barrack. So when word made the rounds that the neighbourhood boys were going ahunting, I also made haste to catch up with them. This was the closest I came to a hunting experience and boy oh boy did I enjoy it. The thrill and the excitement of the chase, I feel I'd have ruptured in sheer delight should I have been an active participant cos these feelings alone came from mere observing.

They set a portion of the bush on fire and then position themselves around the periphery. Sticks, Clubs, Hoes (anything capable of delivering a sure blow) held high waiting for the helpless creatures fleeing uncertain death and into seemingly safety, but instead, into the arms of certain death.

Now, uncertain death in the sense that they may have had a 50-50 chance of survival if only by burrowing or just staying put. But you know animals, instead, they panick and run into the waiting arms and weapons of mass destruction the boys (survival instincts though, sheesh).

Sometimes, we humans do this too. When things aren't going so well; our fortunes change or something like that, we panick and then make wrong decisions that only puts us into bigger trouble. From frying pan into the fire, remember that saying? It's best to remain put, waiting out the storm while scoping out your options. But some of us just can't wait, I know. I struggle with waiting too but waiting's an essential part of life. You'd be surprised at what it births.

I don't think I'd enjoy such sport again. But seeing those boys and the burning bush just brought back the memories.

P.S: Panick=Panic.

Photo Credit: Africa Geographic Magazine